Derpppppppp. I’m so happy and so sad and what is wrong with me??

I miss my family so much. I fucked up so much this year. I don’t know what I want. I can’t have what I want. I want to study at University of Michigan. I want to continue to study Italian. I just want to run away. I want to be with my family. I want to be single. I want boys to want me. I want people to respect me. I want to not fuck up. I want to be proud of myself. I want my mom to expect more from me. I want her to be proud of me. I want everything to work out. I want to know what I want. I want to be able to keep myself in check. I want to be responsible. 

I miss my mom and brothers so much. This is becoming nearly unbearable.

I’ve said it a million fucking times. I wish I wasn’t the way I was. I’m so fucked up, I feel like a lost cause but I know it’s not like that. Derrrrpppppp